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Been recently dealing with a major shift in my household. My "primary" and I have decided to take some space from being "primarys" but are still living together. Of course some of my mono friends don't know "how the hell you could do that" but really, it is more then just sex. It's about friendship and real love. When real love is involved, you just want the person you love to be happy, no matter how much it hurts right? and mainly, YOU want to be happy and loved!
It's been hard, but it's a transformation. I'm also sick and tired of proccessing all this, ever get to that point? just tired of talking....oh, and I also got the "you over communicate" from a new person I was dating lately, which definitely struck a chord. I guess I've always been "all cards on the table" kinda gal, since I'd rather be hurt knowing the truth, rather then happy with a life of lies, like most people.
So how have your relationships 'shifted' for the better? how has poly helped you be more of an adult? lol.
been awhile, <3
Angi
It's been hard, but it's a transformation. I'm also sick and tired of proccessing all this, ever get to that point? just tired of talking....oh, and I also got the "you over communicate" from a new person I was dating lately, which definitely struck a chord. I guess I've always been "all cards on the table" kinda gal, since I'd rather be hurt knowing the truth, rather then happy with a life of lies, like most people.
So how have your relationships 'shifted' for the better? how has poly helped you be more of an adult? lol.
been awhile, <3
Angi
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SF Bay Area
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Re: always amazed at the way relationships "shift" when truly poly.
Wed, November 4, 2009 - 11:52 PMI"m always impressed with people who can make those transitions! I have a close friend who's trying to do that right now, and it hurts like hell.
Me, I'm also an all cards on the table type of person, while my partner is quite the opposite. Makes life challenging at times.
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Re: always amazed at the way relationships "shift" when truly poly.
Thu, November 5, 2009 - 9:23 AMHi Angi!
There's no doubt that living Poly is a lot of work communication-wise. IMHO to do anything else is folly.
I am thankful, every day, that I am no longer in a relationship where there was no communication beyond what was for supper. It is so easy to fall into that complacency trap and then wake up and realize that you've been living in a haze for five years and you don't even know who your partner is.
Blech.
Do I ever get tired of talking. Darn right. Let me go in my cave and turn off my higher brain functions for awhile. But I have to make it a personal commitment not to stay stuck in that place for very long. I don't want to stay stuck in that place for very long.
Can you over communicate? Maybe. Flogging and idea to death is not particularly productive. Or maybe you were stepping into places where your date did not want to go so he escaped through the "I'm a guy and guys don't talk" route?
Oh yes, poly has helped me be more conscious of my feelings and thoughts. Is that being more of an adult? Maybe. I sure know more about taking responsibility for own issues.
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Re: always amazed at the way relationships "shift" when truly poly.
Mon, November 16, 2009 - 1:53 PMI've been through that before! We even eventually stopped being lovers and we were still living together and sleeping in the same bed. Somewhere along the line we shifted from being lovers to being brother and sister. I dont regret that at all, we had some wonderful years together, and I gained a friend for life out of it.
The funny thing is that it was much easier in Austin, of all places, than here in San Francisco! It has been very hard to find someone who is poly here but wants ongoing relationships! And many of the poly people I have met here have so many issues, rules, blah blah blah. If I wanted that I would shift to monogamy! I find relationships are better when they have the freedom of not being over defined.
