I know a few mono/poly pairings. Within the most successful one, the mono partner is actually pretty poly in attitude, has taken the time to educate himself about poly, goes to discussion groups etc with his partner as her main partner, but just chooses not to expend the considerable energy involved in being poly in practice. He'd rather enjoy personal pursuits with the time that his partner's poly connections free up on the home front than have additional relationships himself.

If there is _any_ expectation that one person is going to change to suit the other, disaster will ensue eventually, in my experience. The sentiments of: "If you loved me, you'd be able to accept my love without putting a box around me." or "If you loved me enough, you'd be happy with just me." will be rolling around in the background, eating away at the foundation of the connection.

It can be done, but the underlying reasons to do it need to be compatible.

"Do you think that there is a middle to be found?"

That depends on how much you value your way of being. "Compromising" is mostly an act wherein everybody agrees to be mutually unhappy for the sake of everyone's happiness.

I'd suggest you take a different view of it.

Instead of saying "is there a place in the middle?" ask "Am I okay if he decides to not date anyone else, and is he okay if I date someone else". That's a question that's far more interesting.

People can be whatever they want to be -- if a partner tells me "Hey, I'm monogamous, dude," then i say "well, that's up to you -- at least you're not trying to make ME that way!"

"Can one person be mono and the other poly and it still work?"

Sure, as long as they are't each trying to convert the other. That can be hard, of course, and is usually where it all breaks down.

"Anything you'd advise me to keep in mind going into this?"

Boundaries are very good things. Be clear with each other on where your boundaries lie and focus on keeping those boundaries.

"Is there hope or do you think this is a painfully futile endeaver?"

Oh, there's always hope, of course. But historically, you have a hill to climb.

Also, sometimes what people want shifts when they're in a new relationship/new type of relationship, and things become clear in terms of what direction to take in order to make things work out smoothly. Or the fact that it won't work out becomes clear. Actually attempting a relationship is probably the only way to answer your questions, I'd think. It's so dependent on every individual situation.

When I got involved with my girlfriend, she strongly identified as poly and I felt very monogamous. We basically were doing a poly/mono thing for a while, but I wasn't really doing it for the right reasons, because I always felt pretty upset and resentful (there was a lot of general adjustment to do, on my part). A lot has happened since, and, more recently, she's been feeling monogamous and I've been feeling pretty happy doing a non-monogamous thing (though I don't identify as poly, and don't think I ever could for a number of reasons). So we sort of over-converted each other, in that I now like the option of being with other people and she's not so hot on it, at the moment. But as long as we're always able to discuss how we're feeling and renegotiate the set-up of our relationship and how many/what types of limitations we have for 'outside activity,' I'm hoping that - though we've rarely been exactly on the same page so far - we'll be able to come to a meeting place comfortably enough. And where we are right now IS comfortable enough. Being open to the need for change and renegotiation is important, because I'm not sure that she'll never want to be with other people again, just as I'm not sure I'll need that option forever. But it's good that we can always consider it and figure out what we both need and want at any given moment.

One side note, though, is that it was VERY painful getting to the place where we are, now. I was really, really down for a long time before I learned to be okay with my girlfriend being with other people and I only felt more secure when we gradually moved towards being non-monogamous and she felt like she didn't identify as poly. So that was a huge change, and I know most poly people wouldn't have the same thing happen. Honestly, I'm not sure I could have handled a poly situation forever, but I like having a somewhat open relationship. And she had to endure a lot of stress during the whole process, so it was hard on both of us. I don't think we ever really pressured each other to change (though the conflict between our needs, at the time, was achingly apparent). Just, over time, we wound up focusing in on each other and things sort of organically shifted.

Anyhow, it worked out for us, ultimately (having started out as mono/poly), and we're in a really good place, now. It just took a lot of communication and time in order for things to shift to a point where we were both happy with how our relationship was structured. I think there IS hope, even if it doesn't feel like it for a while, as long as both people are really committed to each other, have the ability to communicate their needs, and have the patience to wait out some unpleasant times.

My current GF is mono, but she understands that I am poly and seems to be accepting it. I havent put her to the test on it yet as I have been very busy with my work (I am the lead art director for an MMO in development) and so have not had time to go out and connect with the community as of late. However I am confident in her trust for me and feel that things will go well with but a few snags upon the road. We have only been together just over one month and I am positive that things will work out. If you have been talking with this guy for two years there is a very good chance that things will work, even if only for the short term (I never count on anything or any one for the absolute long term as people come and go from my life so often, but that is the life of an air aligned aquarious for you). Have trust in him, show him you care about him and support him and I am sure he will do the same for you.