This is my first post on this tribe, as we were directed here from a burning man tribe due to some topics we were discussing...
We are an outgoing couple, who both have a deep admiration for women. dG is a true bi, and we both have very high appetites... Recently, we had our first 3-some, which went flawlessly!! From there, we have both grown closer to this woman, and she is someone that has been drama-free and open to anything and everything...
In trying to search through our feelings about what is the norm, or might be acceptable, I've been researching many different topics, including polyamory. All 3 of us were feeling guilty at times because we would be hanging out, and with all 3 of us wanting to hook up again, even though dG and I are in a 'relationship'.
Today, after reading through this tribe in length, I suggested an amnesty/get-out-of-jail-free-card conversation, and dG told me things she has been holding inside, feeling guilty about. I am not a jealous person at all, so I knew if she was carrying something around and feeling guilty about it, it would explain her recent behavior. After sharing what she did, she felt better, I felt better, and now we want to discuss how we want to move forward and be open AS the fantasizing begins, or BEFORE something happens, or what we BOTH may want as it relates to this 3rd person...
So I wanted to say thanks for the amnesty idea (worked great), the link to the xeromag site that had so much good info related to Polyamory, Jealousy, and some great insight into relationships in general!!!
Next step: We are inviting this 3rd person over to our house on Thursday, and let her read through the xeromag what-is-polyamory section, and then ask her what she thinks about it as it relates to us... but this is all so new... is this the right way to handle it? We are looking for suggestions on how to introduce this idea or concept to her, and see what happens. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't something she was interested in, she would still want to hang out and have fun, so we're not worried about that...
Just looking for some guidance, helpful hints, maybe how you handled your first (possible) poly situation.
Great info on theis tribe by the way... thanks to all!! ;)
We are an outgoing couple, who both have a deep admiration for women. dG is a true bi, and we both have very high appetites... Recently, we had our first 3-some, which went flawlessly!! From there, we have both grown closer to this woman, and she is someone that has been drama-free and open to anything and everything...
In trying to search through our feelings about what is the norm, or might be acceptable, I've been researching many different topics, including polyamory. All 3 of us were feeling guilty at times because we would be hanging out, and with all 3 of us wanting to hook up again, even though dG and I are in a 'relationship'.
Today, after reading through this tribe in length, I suggested an amnesty/get-out-of-jail-free-card conversation, and dG told me things she has been holding inside, feeling guilty about. I am not a jealous person at all, so I knew if she was carrying something around and feeling guilty about it, it would explain her recent behavior. After sharing what she did, she felt better, I felt better, and now we want to discuss how we want to move forward and be open AS the fantasizing begins, or BEFORE something happens, or what we BOTH may want as it relates to this 3rd person...
So I wanted to say thanks for the amnesty idea (worked great), the link to the xeromag site that had so much good info related to Polyamory, Jealousy, and some great insight into relationships in general!!!
Next step: We are inviting this 3rd person over to our house on Thursday, and let her read through the xeromag what-is-polyamory section, and then ask her what she thinks about it as it relates to us... but this is all so new... is this the right way to handle it? We are looking for suggestions on how to introduce this idea or concept to her, and see what happens. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't something she was interested in, she would still want to hang out and have fun, so we're not worried about that...
Just looking for some guidance, helpful hints, maybe how you handled your first (possible) poly situation.
Great info on theis tribe by the way... thanks to all!! ;)
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Bakersfield
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Re: New possible poly's, in need of your experience!!
Wed, July 2, 2008 - 2:20 AMSounds like you're on the right track. Xeromag's a great resource. Also consider the Ethical Slut and some of the newer books on polyamory and open relationships that have recently come out. polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/ is a good resource that mentions the new books (by Tristan Taoromino (sp?) and Jenny Block).
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Re: New possible poly's, in need of your experience!!
Wed, July 2, 2008 - 6:46 AMNicely worked out!
If you're not sure if a particular thing will "work" (such as sitting someone down over an essay or two), there's no harm in asking them "We were thinking this would be useful. Here are the links. Read if you like, and we can chat it out over backgammon and coffee, perhaps." -
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Re: New possible poly's, in need of your experience!!
Wed, July 2, 2008 - 8:28 AMWell I think you're doing the right thing with openly communicating together. May I make a small suggestion? Throw concepts like "normal" and "acceptable" out the window. What you want is a "considerate, honest, loving" relationship in whatever form it may take. There isn't even a "typical" Poly relationship so don't go searching for that pink unicorn either. Each relationship is unique and special in it's own right.
Enjoy yourselves. =) -
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Re: New possible poly's, in need of your experience!!
Wed, July 2, 2008 - 12:39 PMThanks for the suggestions and links, and we're looking forward to tomorrow night... In talking about it more, it may not even qualify as a poly relationship, if there are others that come in and out of our circle... or is it poly as long as this is accepted by all parties involved and just ends up part of our considerate, honest, loving ways? Or is that consensual swinging? Or wha? So many classifications!! lol
I love the 'considerate, honest, loving' phrase by the way... :) -
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Re: New possible poly's, in need of your experience!!
Wed, July 2, 2008 - 12:55 PM"it may not even qualify as a poly relationship"
It does... really poly just means an openness to more than one romantic/sexual partner at the same time. Granted we polys will occasionally go to extreme lengths to distance ourselves from swingers (like, they are just about SEX, we are about LOVE) or label ourselves at "true poly," but in reality we all do poly differently.
Sounds like you guys are totally on the right track, reading up and being open and honest. Fantastic, have fun!
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