Ma'am, I don't like it when people talk to me like that and I'd like it if you didn't do it again, please.

"So you posed this question merely to provide an opportunity for the expected debate?"

She specifically asked WHY it was important. The world seems full of people who think it IS important, but not a lot of reasons WHY. I've found three -- would be intrigued to see if there were more.

Do you think questioning reasons is useful or not useful?

Edward says "She specifically asked WHY it was important. The world seems full of people who think it IS important, but not a lot of reasons WHY. I've found three -- would be intrigued to see if there were more. "

I've read all of Noel's posts up to that response and there is no 'specifically asked WHY" anywhere to be found. Nor is there a specifically WHY after that.

Apparently I have offended her by suggesting the payment of coin of the realm for setting up this discussion in which you, Edward, take the lead. Let's just forget about following the money then. I don't see how this has anything to do with your testicles however.

I'll admit, it was a crude suggestion to hint bribery was involved. Don't know how that inspires someone to call me "Ma'am" and ask me to quit joining in the game being played. And to respond with some vague statement of how an objection says all sorts of things about me. That's lame.

Just saying. Fun game if no-one gets seriously hurt. Play on!

"No, no, just going by this: "I'd probably be offended if someone that I considered myself in a "poly" relationship with didn't [call me if they were having a rough time]."

That's pretty accurate, with the addition of the ideas that A) Their behavior is affecting those around them, including me. B) They fit my definition of being a "partner" and C) They've been asked about it, been made _aware_ that condition A is occuring, and are _still_ going it alone.

Fortunately, none of my partners have ever had their head up their ass far enough that they aren't willing to share what is going on, once they've been made aware of condition A, or they've made it a point to modify their behavior so it isn't impacting their loved ones. Maybe I'm just lucky. Maybe I do a good job of being approachable and am a good listener.

We all have times where events can impact our behavior, but once there is awareness of that, it seems pretty reasonable to work on that, or make it understandable to those you're affecting.

Maybe some of my perspective here is coming from being a mom. As a parent, having your head up your ass far enough to be non-functional, or snapping the kids head's off because of an outside issue isn't an option. At the least I expect myself to be self- aware enough to say: "Mom is having a really rough day. It isn't anything to do with you. These are the ways you can help me today.".
If that's something my kids deserve, it's something my partners deserve, with the additional level of information that their greater capacity can handle.

If it was something REALLY huge where I couldn't control my own behavior, and wasn't willing to share _WHY_ I was acting this way, hypothetically, I'd remove myself from the people that love me until that was no longer the case. Acting out in that fashion is both immature and selfish on a grand scale (and not the "good" kind of selfish where you are nurturing yourself).