I am new and learning. I realize it is about what is okay with me otherwise why would I go for it? But there is always compromise too...so what now? If I don't want a relationship but completely enjoy certain people's company how do I balance?
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San Diego
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 5:43 AMI'm sorry. I didn't find that question clear at all.
What do you mean by "not wanting a relationship"? (I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass, here, but am honestly confused). -
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 5:55 AMOkay I mean I am not wanting a monogamous relationship since I have had that since high school. Yes everything or every connection is some type of relationship but been there done that. I just got out of a monogamous one so i feel I do not want what I had if that is much more clearer. But i enjoy the connections and what my future holds...
FYI...I am a smartass. Always in good ways :) -
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 7:02 AMBe very clear up front about not wanting to be monogamous with the people you're involved with. They deserve to know that right away.
But before you do that I would also get my own thoughts and feelings in line about how you want to conduct these relationships. Is this going to be an "anything goes" situation? Are you going to to use safer sex practices 100% of the time with everyone? How much disclosure do you want from your lovers about the other people they are with? How much disclosure are you comfortable with sharing with them?
The Ethical Slut is a very good primer for those seeking to engage in healthy non-monogamous relationships. While it is mostly written for those with Primary partners looking to open up their relationships the principles can be applied to many different situations. -
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 9:30 AMI am looking into what it is I want out of all of this. Being open with who I am with is no problem. At least explaining I am not wanting a monogamous relationship. But you are right....I need to define what it is I want. I think I know but go back and forth. And so I am having a difficult time defining my version of poly. Or just breaking out of society's expectations... -
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 6:59 AMWell, I'd suggest just being clear that you're at a place where you're still exploring what you may want. It's . . . difficult, to say the least, to decide what sort of relationship structure you want without experiencing different types of relationship structures. It's like deciding what type of ice cream is your favorite based on the fact that you've had two or three different flavors.
And don't stress about figuring it out right this second, experience some relationships first, see what they provoke within you and move forward from there. Perhaps you will meet someone you want to forge a path through life with, perhaps not, but you'll definitely learn (so long as you're accepting of the possibility to learn from the experiences).
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 7:55 AMT, The easiest thing is to do what feels right for you, at any given moment. There are no rules or restrictions, these are both things that society has ingrained in you (well, all of us). Once you break free you can be yourself and live the life that is right for you. Poly is what you and your partners want it to be. Love the world in your unique way, that loving energy will attract others to you. Polyamory is only a word, not a set of rules. Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place. -
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Re: Ok going to ask...
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 9:14 AMI think you got it right Mike. As love is distilled to it's simple purest form, there are less rules. Being true to oneself, that is also a key.
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