Why do you think the differentiation is unpalatable to people?

An excellent point. It really is all about time. Love is infinite; time is limited - 24 hrs a day - tho I have ordered more. It's on backorder....

And I like what GA said about "wanting to spend more time" and "lateral" positions. I guess it's all in what you agree to?

A rose, by any other name. *shrugs* To each their own.

I think just for going the labels is best (for me and mine). I have my husband and boyfriend. My husband and I have our mutual obligations, and thus spend the most about of time and energy on one another. Though my one boyfriend I only see weekly or so, my other boyfriend and I see each other almost daily, because our lives are very intertwined. If I had to assign a hierarchal title, he is a secondary, and no closer to me then my b/f I see weekly.

Nah, it doesn't really fix the problem for me. One of the problems for me is the issue of sticking someone somewhere in a way that seems static. Maybe I usually spend every day with lover A and only see lover B every other week, but then maybe it's summer and lover B and I want to spend nearly every day together while he's not teaching for three months. This seems harder to do if everyone already had some sort of expectation set up based on how we refer to each other. But it's easier on the expectations if we've only ever said that we do in the moment what feels right - no static boxes.

I don't really care for the "finite time" argument anyway. Often, I hear it used as a cop-out. Sure, there's an upper limit to time, but most of the people I know aren't really anywhere near the ceiling. We all have our little ways that we "waste" time - room to rearrange priorities if we really wanted to. And then there's all the time spent 1-on-1 that could be expanded to include more of our infinite love. Yes, I need 1-on-1 time with each of my lovers, but it's not usually nearly as much as we actually end up taking. Every time we go out to dinner with just the two of us, or watch a movie alone together, or whatever, is space where more time with other people we love could be added. We get more love out of polyamory by folding our love over on itself - simultaneous partnerships rather than serial monogamy. We can fold time over on itself, too.

I try not to use the terminology. I call everyone of the people in my romantic life part of my "tribe". Then I go into how much time I get to spend with each......which is usually based on our distance from one another or how busy the rest of our lives are. I also tell people that I treat everyone I meet with the same respect I would give to a potential or current lover. By doing this, everyone in my life feels loved regardless as to how much time I spend with them. When I am with even the ones I only get to see once a year, they are still treated as if I see them every day, and I make them feel the same amount of love.

I have my own words that describe my different relationships and how involved they are in my life and have never felt the need to use anybody else's terminology or to demand others use mind. What is the problem? If you don't like the terms "primary," "secondary," and "tertiary," then don't use them. There are so many other words for our beloveds available to you. Don't know which you want to use? Take out a thesaurus and start looking up words like "lover," "partner," beloved," "mate," etc. You get the idea. Why do we need uniform terminology when we don't have uniform relationship styles? Pick the words that resonate with you, or call them all the same thing (if you don't like structural labels then why use different labels at all?) and assume that the people who need to know can have a more in-depth communication with you about it.