There is no game plan, no set amount of time one should spend with anyone. What you have to determine is what works for the both of you. If you are feeling neglected, by all means, say so. I like to plan dates and nights with my wife when we are both really busy so we know we are setting aside quality time with each other. How it works for us is we rarely see our other partners on the weekends, in part to hang out with each other, but also I have a ton of friends, hobbies, and go out to live shows a lot, this consumes my weekends. I generally hang out with another partner once or twice during the week, depending on how our schedules match up. But it's all fluid, changing, and flexible. At the beginning of a new romance when there's new relationship energy, someone obviously wants to spend a little more time with the new person, but it's important for them not to neglect their other relationships, especially if they have a primary one.

as Dan said, there is no formula. It depends entirely on the people involved.

I have had issues in the past with feeling like my husband was putting more effort into seeing his secondary than he was into seeing me. We struggled with this for a long time until we came to a solution that has worked remarkably well FOR US. We now have set date-nights with each other every week (one week night and one weekend night). The other evenings we are free to schedule on our own with whatever comes up (not just dates, lots of other engagements as well). If we need to schedule a date with a secondary on the night of one of our set nights, we only do so if we can swap it for another night. This way we make sure we have time together but we both also feel like we have some autonomy and control over our own schedules. It has been a nice balance, for the most part.

it is always hard at the beginning of a new relationship -- it is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of the new person and neglect the "old" relationship. He needs to be mindful of this. You need to tell him you are feeling neglected and would like him to put more effort into scheduling time with you. Don't expect him to guess or figure it out on his own. But also give him a little room to enjoy his new relationship, as you may want him to extend you the same courtesy some day!!

Definitely tell him about your feelings. Polyamory won't work unless both partners are capable of listening to the other's needs and working out solutions. Of course, he won't know what your needs are unless you tell him. If you frame it as a discussion of how you feel rather than a list of rules, there should be no resentment (if there is, that's a separate problem). I'm not anti-rule by the way--we all abide by rules, whether we're aware of it or not; in polyamory we have to make up our own because we don't accept the ones society wrote for us. It may be that a schedule or a few simple rules is what you need to make it work and you can negotiate that with him.

I second what Dan and Diva have said too. Setting up a date night is a good thing -- making a commitment to deal with your relationship with intent.

I have a suggestion that might help you frame your approach to this:

You may want to try to think in terms of "what can I do, or ask of him, that is good for our relationship". The alternative thinking: "what can I do, or tell him to do, that would limit or restrict his relationship" is treading into those dangerous waters of control and resentment.

Don't confuse the two. "I only want you to see her for x hours per week because that is good for our relationship" is attempting to control him and is really not taking care of your relationship with him. In other words, as much as possible, try to remove the other relationship out of the discussion of what is good for the two of you.

I don't think there's a "should" on time. I like to take each relationship, each day, and each moment as it comes, because so many different things can effect the amount of time that seems right and rewarding to spend with any particular person. I also don't necessarily think there's a "best way" for you to act, if "best way" also means a should. There's just what works and what doesn't, what feels good and what doesn't. I definitely think you should share with him how you feel. How else will he know? How else will you keep from feeling resentful or just bottled up? When you share how you feel, I would also encourage you to have a clear idea of what you're looking for in response. Would you just like him to hear you and acknowledge your feelings? Would you like him to take a specific action in relation to your feelings? And if so, what would that action be? You might ask for specific date nights, for example, or to get a good-night phone call on nights he's away, or whatever.

For me, I also like to try to embrace my partner's passion for a new partner. I view the sparkly beginning of a relationship as a vital period of time that serves as a foundation for the rest of the relationship and adds a special kind of shine to life. I wouldn't want to do anything to "get in the way" of that for my partner. When my partner has goo-goo eyes for someone new, I *want* him to experience that as fully as possible. I *want* him to be a little less enamored of me, spend a little less time with me, spend less energy on me, think of me less often. That spark at the beginning is something that you never quite get back in exactly the same way. However, a few months later, when it starts to fade, I will still be there, he will still love me, our relationship will not have been tarnished by making room for something else, even if it seems like **a lot** of room at the time. None of which is to say that that's easy, but it's something I'm committed to. If I'm having trouble, I want to ask for things that will help me out, but not try to take too much away from the emotional roller-coaster he's on. I might ask for some special dates or something. And I also try to get a little of his excitement about her. I want to hear about it, about how he's feeling, and about her. I'm not in sparkly-land with her, but if I can get a little of the excitement off of him, it also serves my relationship and view of her as we go forward, since I can view her as this person who's making the person I love all wrapped up in happiness.

First tip: DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

This sounds like an incredibly apathetic solution, but let me elaborate. I just went through this situation and got the Bad Ending, of sorts. Lemme offer up the cautionary tale with some advice.

I'm the second primary in a two-primary V. I came into this situation after my (female) lover and her (male) lover had been seeing one another for a couple of years. I'll refer to them as Girl and Boy respectively. Boy and Girl have sexual relationship; Girl and I have sexual relationship; Boy and I play a lot of video games and otherwise get along famously (though we made out once, for kicks).

Over the last year or so, our relationship started going through some mysterious changes - cooling off, in other words. While Girl and I are very sexually compatible, Boy started becoming more sexually distant, though he was still exploring with other lovers. Over a lot of time (a year or two), we discovered what was going on: he was indulging in new relationships without maintaining his current relationship.

Recently, we all started falling for this one new girl, and it turns out that she and Boy would spring into a New Relationship. This made Girl very nervous, especially since Boy had a hard time not feeling guilty about spending so much time in New Relationship.

Here's what happened.

Girl got angry about being neglected by Boy.
Boy felt bad about spending time with New Girl.
Boy got angry about being made to feel worse about spending time with New Girl.
Girl got angry about being accused of acting jealous.
Arguing all the time made Boy want to hang out less with Girl.
I drink a lot of beer.
Wash Rinse Repeat until finally they say "Fuck it, we are housemates now." I drink a lot more beer.

Now, I'm not intending to make any implications that your own boy is intending to leave you. But you can do a good job of keeping your existing relationship alive - once his "starstruck" period starts to cool down, which it will - by giving him lots and lots of space. This will remind him, eventually, that he doesn't need to feel guilty for falling in love. While you'll have to exercise some extra patience in the meantime, the payoff is much better than trying to make subtle demands on his time before he's ready to pull on the reins.