I just got dumped because of my poly/kink tribes!

topic posted Tue, October 6, 2009 - 10:24 PM by  John A. Wilson
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A girl I just started messing around with, who I never made any commitment with (nor treated like a sex object) just dumped me because she looked me up on tribe and saw the polyamory and kink tribes I belong to! She is no puritan nor against one night stands! Well, its kind of funny, let that be a lesson to anyone who has not considered the possibility that anyone can look you up on tribe and see what you are up too! I am not ashamed!
posted by:
John A. Wilson
SF Bay Area
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  • Well -- I kinda EXPECT people to find out shit about me if they go looking for it. Serves 'em right.

    I've had at least two people in my past who seemed all jazzed about me drop me like a hot potato once they "discover" my non-secrets. No big loss, far's as I'm concerned.
  • That's why I operate under an alias. Well, not precisely; I'm more concerned about the impact that any accidental discovery might have on my partner and her hubby than me in particular. Anyone who's Tribe Friends with me knows my name and my face. I don't think I'm trying to be deceptive that way but just trying to keep a lid on any accidental leaks that could be harmful.

    I agree that it is judgmental bull and you are certainly better off without it in an intimate relationship. Casual friendships are a different thing where people don't often share all their secrets. I figure there's no point damaging those for the sake of full disclosure. And then there's employers and co-workers and customers... Yikes.



  • There are probably plenty of people out there that like only a certain kind of relationship.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

    Some of them are willing to be clear about that and make decisions based on that, such as "Look, I can't do this poly thang. Sorry."

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

    In fact, I think it's great. I LIKE it when partners who discover or realize they can't do something...

    ...and actually tell me about it.

    I think that's awesome.

    Sure, it can hurt if that decision means they aren't dating ME, but the world is filled with people who are willing to date me and willing to say so clearly and unambiguously. I think it's perfectly fine arranging time to be with THOSE folks, as far as partners go.

    Sorry getting dumped hurt, but there ARE people out there who are a better sync, and be grateful she had her shit together enough to not drag your emotions around for a year.

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